Girl's got her groOOoOoOoOoove back!

I have a new found appreciation for Tee Oh. While I'd be hard pressed to say I love the city (I mean, c'mon ... does anyone actually love it there?), I found more to appreciate there this time around.

Besides the drive (and anyone who claims to know me knows how I can't refuse a good drive anywhere), I began by doing one of my most favorite TO things to do ... visiting my Robbie. It was a long overdue visit for me and one that went a long way to soothe my soul.

The following day is one I will definitely tuck away into the scrapbook of my mind. A day trip into cottage country, a stop for lunch outdoors on a sunny terrace (pigging out on the bestest sweet potato fries EVER!) and a drive-in movie (Thor bit the big one but Rango was a scream!).

On Monday, I was taken to lunch by my first high school boyfriend. Another sunny terrace and more nonstop conversation. A really good time for our 'first date' as Colin pointed out, since we'd never ventured out of the hallowed halls of RHS back when we were 'dating'.

Tuesday will go down in history as my longest lunch ever. JoAnne and I met up and talked and talked and talked and then talked and talked and talked s'more. Somewhere in the midst of all that talking, we managed to eat. And after five hours of seeing us take root in their restaurant and listening to us laugh uproariously at just about everything, we were asked to please vacate the table for their supper crowd. Frankly, I could have easily stayed another five hours! I'm SO looking forward to doing it again, JoAnne!

The eve of my departure found me scoffing pizza and shuffling cards, although not at the same time. While my competition and I were well matched and the game was close, I lost. Well, I lost the game that evening but I prefer to think it was only the first game in a looooooong chain of games, one or more of which I still hope to win one day.

At some point on Wednesday, I lost misplaced my groove. Its absence was noticeable and not immediately or easily remedied. It's back now though and as a friend pointed out, it was never really missing. I never actually lost my groove, I merely slipped out of the groove but still circled the lip. Maybe that's why it wasn't a long absence.

So this girl's got her groove back. And all is right with my world again.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .

1.  The bad guys don't always wear black and the good guys don't always wear white.
2.  You can't always get what you want.
3.  In the end, we always get what we all deserve.

An open letter to Louis

Stop. Just stop.

Stop with the emails, FB messages, the gifts, the calls. And then when you've stopped, repeat after me:  'too little, too late'.

It strikes me from your incessant emails that your recollection of our time together differs vastly from mine, so let me share some of my memories with you. I remember being a back burner girlfriend, a woman who sat around while her man chased women as though he was still single. I remember feeling like crap more often than not because you made me feel as though I was not enough. I used to think I didn't deserve you. Now I know how true that statement really was - I didn't deserve you. I deserved much better. You recently wrote that our good times far outnumbered our bad times. I disagree. Of course, that could be because you caused most of the bad times and inflicted them on me. And the illusion that you're habouring of us having remained friends after we broke up? Pfft! We weren't friends while we were dating; I considered us even less so post-breakup.

I find it ironic that you have shown me more attention in the past three months than I feel you showed me during our two years together. But then it struck me ... I have become to you exactly what those other women were - someone beyond your reach. You chased me until you had me and then turned your eyes to the next prey. And then the next. And then the next. Now, despite a three month long silence on my part, you continue to want me back in your life. You always said that with every action, there is a consequence. Well, your actions pushed me away. There's your consequence.

Despite it all, I am thankful for the lessons you taught me. I learned that when a guy comes out and tells you that he is selfish and that it is all about him, run for the nearest door. I learned that when he can get up, prepare himself a meal without even asking you if you want anything, it is time to burn rubber. I learned that concessions are not meant for only one person to make alone. I learned that three strikes applies to a ball game and not the amount of times I should forgive you for shit you had no business doing in the first place. I learned that it takes a lot more effort to pretend you're happy than it does to just find someone new who makes your happiness their priority.

So, the next time you're sick for another six months, find someone who will sit up with you at 4 am while you text gibberish in your hallucinatory state. Someone who will accompany you to your doctor appointments and advocate for your treatment. Someone who will stay with you for days upon end because the minute she leaves, you just sit and quiver on the couch until she returns. Someone who will lose sleep worrying whether you will actually try to off yourself after learning you had conceived a plan to do just that. Someone else who will help take care of your dad when you are too busy with work and your siblings cannot be bothered. Someone to run your errands. Someone as pathetic as I used to be.

So you're lonely now? Too bad, so sad. Call Ella. Maybe she'll care. Maybe she won't. But rest assured that I don't. Your happiness is no longer my priority, not even my concern. I do not wish you any ill; that would take consideration of you on my part. Instead, I don't think of you at all. I am too busy being happy again in a way I had forgotten people can be happy.

So stop. Just stop. Do did done.

Fly me to the moon . . .

Several days before I was expecting it, Canada Post showed up on my doorstep with a registered package containing ... *drumroll* ... TA DA DA DAAAAAAH! .. my new passport! And while I still have no idea when I will use it or where I might be headed, I am now ready, willing and able to jet off with the shortest of notice.

Now, if I could only learn not to over pack!

Do you have anything to declare?

My last birthday saw me turning 48. I had long been dreading that number, fearful of it really. To me, it represented my mother's age at her passing and it freaked me out to think of being the age she was when she died. It was a shitty birthday, literally spent alone ... just me and my gloomy thoughts ...

I've spent a great deal of time since then taking stock of things. Myself, my life, where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. One glaring fact leaps out to me.

I let my bar slip.

By that, I mean what I was willing to accept of myself. What I was willing to accept of others. What I was willing to accept in a relationship. I forgot the rule that says no one can make you feel like crap unless you let them. And I let them.

With the coming of the new year, I resolved to change my luck. I chose to surround myself with the positive and rid myself of the negative. People, thoughts, situations - if they weren't positive, then to the curb! My only surprise has to do with the speed with which my life has shifted. And my bar? It's hoisted high again, back where it should be.

My latest revelation is about location. I've come to realize that I'm not where I belong. While I'm not quite sure where that place is, I know it's not here. So yesterday, I headed to the passport office in Laval to renew mine after almost 10 years. I've been inspired. I have a feeling I might need it and I want to be prepared. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally discover the place I truly belong ...

The End

Do, did, done.

New dawn, new day

Feeling more like myself and happier than I have been in longer than I'd care to admit. (Ok, it's been years.) Funny, you might be able to fool your head into thinking you're happy but the heart always knows. Mine did and I should have listened.

I won't make that mistake ever again ...

The lesser of two evils . . .

... so, what's worse? Doing something you live to regret or living to regret something you didn't do?

You, me and Fate . . . our own lil ménage à trois . . .

Everything happens for a reason. I think that reason is Fate. If you know me, you know about me and Fate. I am a big huge enormous humongous fan. Coincidence is, well, just coincidental. Fate is deep and meaningful.


I think Fate sends people our way to teach us. To teach us about ourselves and about others, teach us about what we need or what we may have to offer, teach us to see things from a different viewpoint or to believe in the way we see things ourselves.


If we are lucky, every once in a while we come across a kindred spirit - someone so much like ourselves that it is uncanny. They just get us. They get us without our having to explain about ourselves, they get us without our having to drop any clues. We don't have to fill in the blanks because there do not seem to be any that need filling.


I will be the first to admit to there is a great sense of comfort in being got by someone else. Especially when it seems to happen so seldom. There is an ease in the flow of conversations, thoughts are transmitted in a seemingly effortless fashion and without feeling the need like you have to explain your thoughts after having voiced them. It's like slipping into your oldest, softest, most well worn, faded jeans. Your spirit just seems to relax and exhale contentedly. Ahhhhh ...


In my case, it also sends off the faintest of alarm signals. Only because it's very off putting to find another me (on the rare occasions when it's happened). I'm more accustomed to feeling like a stranger in a strange land who, although she can speak the same language as the natives, speaks it with an accent. It seems I spend a lot of time explaining my thoughts and feelings to those who nod politely, as though they get me when we both know they don't. Imagine what it feels like to have someone glance inside you and instantly know your innermost thoughts and fears, look past all the things you're saying and see all the things you're working hard to keep inside. Yep, completely discombobulating.


For some reason, Fate has seen fit to make our paths cross now. I don't fight Fate and I've learned not to question it much either. I'm curious to see what Fate has in store with this and for now, I'll embrace it and enjoy the ride. 

"It does not always pay to have a golden tongue unless one has the ability to hold it."  (Paul Johnson)

2011's first (and counting) . . .

'If it doesn't make you smile, bring you joy or isn't useful, get rid of it'


That's my new mantra. New year, new outlook. Lord knows, the old way of doing things has produced eff all. I won't call this a new year's resolution (a, because I never make those and b, because the few times I have, I never kept them, ergo reason a!)


So let this be a lesson to you all ... make me smile, bring me joy or be useful ... or hit the road, Jack! (Well, no - not Jack! He makes me smile, brings me joy AND is useful. He also listens (for the most part), loves me unconditionally and doesn't drool, which is more than I can say for many men I've known in my life.)


If I were going to make a resolution (and I'm NOT!), I'd say that I will sincerely make an effort to de-clutter. My surroundings AND my life. I'm getting too old for a cluttered life and as I age, I imagine not having to maneuver around useless shit will make more sense.


It's a Monday so I'm feeling inspired. I'm waiting for people to call me back so I have some time on my hands. Laundry's up to date, but I feel a cooking bug coming on, so I think I'll head to the kitchen and make stew. 


Of course, if I were TimBit, I'd just sleep all day ...