My last birthday saw me turning 48. I had long been dreading that number, fearful of it really. To me, it represented my mother's age at her passing and it freaked me out to think of being the age she was when she died. It was a shitty birthday, literally spent alone ... just me and my gloomy thoughts ...
I've spent a great deal of time since then taking stock of things. Myself, my life, where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. One glaring fact leaps out to me.
I let my bar slip.
By that, I mean what I was willing to accept of myself. What I was willing to accept of others. What I was willing to accept in a relationship. I forgot the rule that says no one can make you feel like crap unless you let them. And I let them.
With the coming of the new year, I resolved to change my luck. I chose to surround myself with the positive and rid myself of the negative. People, thoughts, situations - if they weren't positive, then to the curb! My only surprise has to do with the speed with which my life has shifted. And my bar? It's hoisted high again, back where it should be.
My latest revelation is about location. I've come to realize that I'm not where I belong. While I'm not quite sure where that place is, I know it's not here. So yesterday, I headed to the passport office in Laval to renew mine after almost 10 years. I've been inspired. I have a feeling I might need it and I want to be prepared. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally discover the place I truly belong ...
I've spent a great deal of time since then taking stock of things. Myself, my life, where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. One glaring fact leaps out to me.
I let my bar slip.
By that, I mean what I was willing to accept of myself. What I was willing to accept of others. What I was willing to accept in a relationship. I forgot the rule that says no one can make you feel like crap unless you let them. And I let them.
With the coming of the new year, I resolved to change my luck. I chose to surround myself with the positive and rid myself of the negative. People, thoughts, situations - if they weren't positive, then to the curb! My only surprise has to do with the speed with which my life has shifted. And my bar? It's hoisted high again, back where it should be.
My latest revelation is about location. I've come to realize that I'm not where I belong. While I'm not quite sure where that place is, I know it's not here. So yesterday, I headed to the passport office in Laval to renew mine after almost 10 years. I've been inspired. I have a feeling I might need it and I want to be prepared. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally discover the place I truly belong ...
4 comments:
I have always admired your resiliency my dear, but when you disappear from places, friends like me get worried.
I am glad you are getting back on track. If the wandering in your soul is yearning, go for it.
Someday you will find your calling, but just stay in touch with your friends because we want to share in it.
I missed you too, Lou :)
sounds a lot like the movie "under a tuscan sun" .life is short and shorter still if you don't life your dreams.I wish you all the best in your search of those dreams.
Thanks, Ray - much appreciated!
Post a Comment